I’ve placed a hidden microphone in Steve Jobs’ office at the Apple HQ in Cupertino. Here are a couple of transcripts concerning the launch of the AppStore.
A couple of months ago…
| UE | Mister Jobs, we have a small problem! |
| SJ | (raises his head from a plate of tofu) What is it, subordinate? (hisses) |
| UE | Well, our clients want apps made by 3rd party developers on their iPhone… |
| SJ | What?! Don’t go all Wozzy on me! If I say they don’t need them, they’re not getting them either! Now let me finish my lunch. |
| UE | I understand, Your Highness, but they really want them. The internet is filled with articles about it. |
| SJ | I see… (pics his teeth for some tofu-leftovers) Will Bono love me less if we don’t do this? |
| UE | I’m afraid so, My Shepherd. |
| SJ | FRACK! (raises from desk) I’ll show him what “Elevation” is. Release the codemonkeys!! |
| UE | The codemonk… I mean, highly skilled programmers are all working on the multi-touch interface for Snow Leopard, Great Emperor. |
| SJ | I guess that’ll have to wait then. I want the AppStore up and running within one month. |
| UE | With all due respect, My Savior, but that’s impossible. |
| SJ | (slowly steps towards his prey) You’re telling me that something is impossible? Nothing is impossible! |
| UE | (looks over his shoulder to locate the handle of the door) I’m sorry, Great Creator, didn’t mean to… |
| SJ | Disappear from my office, and get it done! |
| UE | (runs out of Steve’s office) |
Last week…
| UE | You rang, My Lord? |
| SJ | (while clipping his toe-nails) Don’t be a smartass. How’s the development of the AppStore going. |
| UE | Pretty good, 3rd party developers already submitted 50 applications to it. |
| SJ | 50? 50?! Do you have any idea how much applications are available on the Windows Mobile platform? We’ll look like complete incompetents if we launch with just 50 apps! (tosses his nail-clipper towards the employee) |
| UE | (manages to catch the nail-clipper, but quickly drops it after seeing some toe-nails still on it) What do you want me to do? |
| SJ | You’ve got a pretty big family, right? |
| UE | Please sir, I’ll do anything, but leave my family out of… |
| SJ | You’re speaking again. Shut. Up. (walks to a closet next to his desk, and start searching for his lighter in one of the drawers) Give every member of your family a crash-course in programming for the iPhone. |
| UE | But sir, what should they develop? They’ve never even wrote a single line of code! |
| SJ | I don’t care what they create. Doesn’t matter. For all I care, they can make flashlight apps. We need more apps. 500 seems like a nice number. Yeah… (inhales from his peace pipe) |
Yesterday…
| UE | You summoned me, Your Holiness? |
| SJ | Yes, infidel. I wanted to show you what a success my idea is. |
| UE | But, sir, I thought the AppStore was my… |
| SJ | Silence! So, is everybody happy now? What about Bono? |
| UE | Bono’s very happy, sir. Now he can finally check his Facebook activity all the time. But now the 3rd party developers are complaining. |
| SJ | What do those whino’s want now? We already give them 70% revenue! |
| UE | They want options to beta-test their apps, and also a better way to get crash reports. |
| SJ | Beta-test, shmeta-test. Let them whine. Tofu? |
5 comments (closed)
555
Wrote 131 days ago
Geenius!!! SJ sounds like Darth Vader in my head, it’s like he puts a geek suit on for all his PR stuff.
iYoko
Wrote 131 days ago
That cracked me up :)
George
Wrote 131 days ago
ahaha!
good article…
iworx
Wrote 130 days ago
Lol’ing but .. thou shalt not demonize my hero ;)
Sarah
Wrote 130 days ago
Dude.. awesome.